What I learnt about me
by Cliff
11:00AM | 07 February 2009
I am a volunteer firefighter and I also work for CFA.
I spent the 7th of Feb in the Whittlesea fire station doing 100 jobs at once just trying to keep up. I remember hearing so many bad things on the CFA truck radios and wondering if we would ever get through that day alive.
I left Whittlesea early the next morning, returned to my volunteer fire brigade and ended up on a fire truck in Strathewen and Kinglake for most of Sunday the 8th of Feb, going house to house and facing some terrible sights. That was the worst day of my life.
I know that someone said to me 'how many did you see?'. I said to them 'I can remember every one in detail - but I can't add them up'.
I still can't.
I remember the following Tuesday. I went into McDonalds for a coffee to go whilst I drove to Seymour for work. I handed over $5 and the guy looked at my CFA shirt and said 'mate - it's free for you guys'.
I went out to the car, got in, shut the door and completely lost it. I have never cried so hard in my life - all of the experiences of that weekend just hit me and I had to sit there and cry.
Fortunately it was a quiet carpark and no one saw the CFA bloke crying in the car.
I rememebr driving to Whittlesea to find my wife Tanya, who was working for the council in the relief centre. I just had to see her and give her a hug before I could go to work that day.
I tried to stay at work after that, but eventually it all got too much in the weeks following so I needed a break. During my break I heard about the Tree Project. This is an arts led recovery project involving blacksmiths. Gum leaves are being forged from copper and stainless steel by blacksmiths all over the world, to come together on a steel tree as a memorial to those who perished.
I decided to get involved.
I wanted to use fire to be creative after seeing fire being so destructive.
I got in contact with a guy named Paul who only lives up the road from me. Paul was happy for me to come and learn how to make a leaf for the tree, so I went up to Pauls place, met Paul and his partner Amanda and I learnt how to forge a leaf.
I reckon that single afternoon with Paul, belting the crap out of a lump of hot metal with hammers to make a piece of art was probably what saved me.
If there is anything positive for me out of all of this - it's that I have new friends and a new outlet. I am now hooked on blacksmithing and I plan to learn as much as I can about it as I continue to make leaves (and eventually other things too, once the tree is up).
I now know just how damn lucky I am to be alive, to have Tanya with me and to have my home. I can't imagine the loss others have experienced and how they must feel, but I can honour that loss.
I know I will never forget that weekend, but I hope that I can continue to enjoy blacksmithing and the company of smithies (all good people) and remember what brought me to this new community of hot metal bashers.
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